Solitude, Only you, only true
by Aikatherinee
Summary: Arthur is tired of being a nation. When his dark side, Britannia, comes back as always he's had enough. Uh... my summary sucks... USUK/UKUS. Warnings: angst, blood, attempted suicide, madness, possible typos/grammar fails. One-shot and epilogue.
1. Chapter 1

Title: **Solitude; Only you, only true **

Summary: Arthur is tired of being a nation. When his dark side, Britannia, comes back as always he's had enough. Uh... my summary sucks... USUK/UKUS. Warnings: angst, blood, attempted suicide, madness, possible typos/grammar fails. One-shot + epilogue.

XxXxXxX

_Tic toc tic toc..._

Ticking on the wall, the clock made a small noise which broke the silence.

Well, at least the silence of the _room_.

The room was pretty small; there was a small bookshelf full of books which were old classics. In addition a brown closet covered the most of the room. It was next to the white door which was locked from the inside. Even though the door was locked, a man on a bed couldn't break himself free from the empty, hollow room. He had been laying on there for a while, around three days, he wasn't even sure anymore.

He was trying to be completely still, so that he couldn't hear anything except the clock.

_Tic toc ti-_

Suddenly he heard a voice. Well, not really suddenly; after all, he had heard it so many times already.

**Are you still trying to keep up this act?**

The voice was full of hatred, darkness and sadistic pleasure. The man knew he shouldn't listen to it. The voice was always saying horrible things.

**You're pathetic.**

Things he didn't want to hear.

**You should know by now that you will always be alone.**

Things which were true.

**Alfred will never love you.**

Things he knew already. Things he denied.

**Isn't this all about him? Because you're still waiting for him?**

Yes. Of course.

**He's not coming and you know it.**

_'Nononononono... He's coming.. He has to! He'll always come for me...'_ He hide his face to his palms. The man's sandy, messy, blond hair went in his eyes but he didn't care.

**You know there's only one thing for you to do.**

The man's dull green eyes glanced at the bookshelf where was a small paper knife. He shook his head. "Why... would I do that? He..." _'...he what? He promised me not to leave and still... That day...'_ The male started to question himself.

**There's no one for you. Your brothers hate you so much they could die, your allies use you, not to mention several enemies and Alfred, the representation of the United States of America... he hates you the most after you-**

"It wasn't me!", the man screamed. "It was you! Britannia! You're the one who made all those enemies!" Britannia, Arthur's aka the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland's, other self was always there. Britannia was his 'empire' self, the one who wanted to fight, hurt and destroy. Without him, Arthur was nothing. Still, Britannia liked to play with the Brit's mind when they were alone.

**It wasn't only me. If you hadn't let me to control the body, it wouldn't have happened. Actually, if you had let me out before the Great Rebellion War, he wouldn't have left. You're too soft, even if it's me.**

"Sh-shut up! If I hadn't stopped you, he could have died!" Ah. Arthur's voice was shaking along with his body. Even though he wanted, he couldn't even cry. He was too tired.

_Tic toc tic toc..._

Silence. Britannia didn't answer but that didn't mean he had left.

_Tic toc tic toc..._

The green eyes searched for Britannia even though he couldn't see him. Arthur was holding his breath unconsciously and waited for the agonizing, honest words.

_Tic toc tic toc..._

But they never came. The British nation finally was able to breathe. _'I was waiting for more pain to come... When did I become a masochist?'_, he asked for himself rhetorically even though he knew the answer. "After the rebellion, after my breakdown." Yes, The male knew he wasn't okay, but more importantly; he didn't care anymore.

"Ha... Ha ha", the isolated man started laughing hysterically. "It's been over a century and Alfred hasn't still come back... Ha ha..." His green, dead eyes widened and the voice level of his laugh rose.

"He'll not come back... The other me was almost always right... about everything..." He took the blade from the shelf. It wasn't too sharp but enough to kill.

Arthur took the knife and touched his neck hard enough to get himself bleed. Then he pull it away. "I don't want these feelings..." _'I didn't ask to be an empire, it was your doing.'_

_Tic toc tic toc..._

_'I didn't want to fight, conquer new colonies and hurt people'_

_Tic toc tic toc..._

He brought the knife closer to his neck again, this time closer.

"I didn't ask this life style. For once I started to listen to **myself**, not Britannia and what happened: Germany and his allies will declare a war..." He let out a dry laugh.

_Tic toc tic toc..._

After the small pause, he continued. "You do hear me, don't you, Britannia. I hope you do because I've got something to say you." The knife was only inches apart from his skin. His face was neutral, he was too used to the pain and wars to be afraid of death.

"When you called me pathetic... Do you really think you, of all people, can say that? I've always been able to control you when I've wanted to, so which one of us is the pathetic?"

He waited for an angry comment, but nothing came.

"Secondly; I'll be alone? I've been alone all along so I'm already used to it."

This time he didn't even waited for response, because he knew there wasn't going to be any.

"Thirdly? Alfred? I know my feelings are one-sided. What about it? Should I cry about it like some depressed schoolgirl?"

**Are you saying you want to live in a world like this? Where no one cares about you?**

The voice was finally back. Arthur sighed from relief. He was sicked of being ignored, being alone.

"No, I didn't say so. I'm telling I have no ties in this place."

_'I always knew how I wanted to disappear from this world; leaving no trace or sorrow. This is better this way.'_

Arthur finally closed the distance between his skin and blade. The blade dug its way further to flesh and hit a bone. The red liquid painted the blue carpet and it was spinning in Arthur's head before he collapsed on the floor.

_'If I die... You'll die with me Britannia... We both won't be alone again...'_

The dull green eyes changed even more lifeless than before and after a few seconds, the man's vision blanked. The only sound that was left from the room was from the old clock.

_Tic toc tic toc..._

XxXxXxX

Uh... so this is one-shot. If you want Artie to die, don't read the epilogue. Srsly.

I kind of thought I could leave it like this but I'm afraid of ninja-fangirls who'll kill me while I'm asleep.

Hope I didn't fail that much ^^' Actually I think I'm better at writing of feelings than writing action but I love adventure fics : D

Uh... This is based on WWI if you didn't catch it... It was the first time in centuries the UK and the US's politics met since revolutionary war. WWs were also when British empire disappeared, so...

I just did it because I was bored, tired and angsty... plus the Net didn't work then. Yup, that's the biggest reason. The Great Internet Explosion makes me really depressed... Maybe I should get a life... Nah.

Oh, and I'm probably going to write a different fic where's Britannia but he's not the evil side of him so...

Is it wrong to say that writing angsty is fun? It is? Oh, well :3

Reasons for this fic:

a) I had a drama class where's a teacher who likes angsty plays.

b) I had kinda bad day.

c) I read so much angsty fics.

d) The Net was broken.

Oh, the title is from Evanescence's 'Solitude'. It fits in Iggy so much... Lovely song, maybe one of the best ones I've ever heard... I could have also used Evanescence and Seether's 'Broken' but it's more of a USUK song... So it's better for epilogue.


	2. Chapter 2

**Epilogue**

Waking up, the Brit noted he wasn't in his room anymore. He smelled disinfectant in the air and unlike his blue and gray room, this room was plain white and full of light. His guess was that he was in hospital.

The first thought he had, however, was the person who brought him here. For all common sense, if he had been someone who would have seen him like that, he'd have just gone away and ignored it all.

Thus, this person must be an idiot. It could have been Italy*... He's always been clueless about everything...

The door was swungen open. The person on it practically ran toward the Brit's bed.

"Are you alright, England**?" The man had sunny blond hair, lighter blond than Arthur and blue, concerned eyes behind the glasses. Arthur blinked couple times before he realized who were talking to him.

"Alf- America...?" He asked quietly. To be honest, he was terrified that he of all people had seen him like that. Well, that didn't stop him from being sarcastic: actually, he often hid his real feelings behind it.

"I'm at the hospital. What do you think, you git?"

For a second, Arthur thought he saw hurt in the other's eyes.

"Ya know what I mean! Why did ya even do somethin' as dumb as that?", Alfred asked with anger. His rage was rising so much that his accent was becoming clearer.

"None of your business. I'm mature enough to take care of myself and you don't need to intervene the business which doesn't bloody belong to you!"

"Doesn't seem so", the other said and sat down next to the bed. Alfred tried not to show his hurt and changed the subject to somewhere else so his voice wouldn't crack. "Haven't ya even heard that nations can't die?"

"Where did you hear that? I haven't even hear that someone has ever tried to commit-" He silenced himself. Arthur couldn't say it out loud, it was humiliating enough to be in a situation like this.

_'On the other hand, I didn't have any nightmares... Is Britannia finally gone?'_

"I called China when you were still sleeping. I asked him if he knew about nations deaths and he said it's impossible cuz our bodies heal and stuff", Alfred said and tried to gave the Brit a small smile but obviously failed.

"What about Germania and others? They died." Arthur tried to find a logical argument to their immortality.

"I dunno, he said something that they're not gone... they're still in their heirs' bodies... Some personality addition..."

Ah. Now he understood why he had so much pain, why nothing helps.

_'Being a nation is a curse. You can't forget, you can't trust anyone, you can't die. All you can do is to bear the pain until you're a sad being who isn't sure if he truly lives.'_

"Hey, England... Why did you tried to commit you-know-what?", Alfred asked quietly and hesitated with the last words.

_'England... Nowadays he always calls me that... Now that I think about it, he never had called me by my human name. We haven't been too close, have we.'_

"It's none of your business, America", he said and emphasize the last word. Seeing the other's uncharacteristically concerned face, he continued with whisper: "I just... wanted to end it all. I'm historically an old nation and even if it doesn't seem so... I have regrets, too."

_'Like the time I was alone in the world and pressured my brothers to give their lands to me...'_

_'Like the time I was alone and I wanted company and created an empire.'_

_'Like the time I was willing to give in to Britannia who hurt everyone and made them unreachable.'_

_'Like the time I was ready to go to New World and conquered America and hurt the most important person to me.'_

He could go on and on but instead he locked his weary green eyes with normally sparkling blue ones.

_'You're really disgusted, aren't you. You'd want to go home but because of your image you can't leave me. You'd have never wanted to know my dark side.'_

He turned his head away and shut his eyes.

_'It's all right. It's better for both of us that you'll abandon me again. I won't be waiting and you'll be happy with your life.'_

"Why?" The sudden question surprised the older nation and made him turn his face to look at the American. "Everyone else has gotten over with their past, many of them have even befriended with their ex-enemies."

"That is the one point: you'll never know who earns your trust", Arthur smiled sadly. He remembered the time he trusted in the younger form of America. He lifted his gaze and saw how Alfred's eyes had widened. Now he knew.

"You can go now. I can be by myself, so if you left now..."

**... So you can be alone again and drown yourself in self-pity? Pushing them away as always. Coward. Just face the truth.**

Arthur started shaking in fear. The dark voice hadn't gone away and it always showed up when he was alone. He covered his ears and curled to a ball.

"Shut it-Shut it-SHUT IT!", he screamed. After remembering Alfred, he referred to the other nation: "And you go away! I don't want you here, America!"

**You push them away so that you wouldn't get hurt. Or...**

Arthur was almost crying. Now that he hadn't any way to escape he felt helpless.

**... you must be masochist. You push them away so you can GET hurt.**

He couldn't take it anymore. Arthur screamed and tried to get up from his bed and try to run away even if he knew it was pointless. When he was raising up, strong arms grabbed his and pull him back on the bed.

"England! You can't get up, you're still healing", he tried to get the Brit's attention but Arthur kept screaming. "ENGLAND! What's wrong with you?"

The American hugged the shorter man but it didn't seem to have a calming effect.

"England! Calm down! England!"

The shorter male grabbed America's shirt and sounded like a broken CD-player: "Make him go away make him go away make him go away-"

"ARTHUR!"

The older went quiet and looked at Alfred. Britannia was silenced.

"What-", the older one tried to ask but the sunny blond hugged him more tightly.

"Arthur, it's not like everyone tries to hurt you. Sure you were a bastard sometimes but that wasn't you. That wasn't the real you! I'm not an idiot, I see when you try to hide your true self, I've known you long enough", Alfred said and tightened his grip.

"Do you realise that there's people who cares about you? Kiku, Francis, your brothers- I care about you!"

The Brit stared at the wall in front of him. Even though he didn't saw the other's face he knew Alfred was sad because of his cracking voice.

"You're not... disgusted?" were the only words that left him. The other man simply shook his head.

"I could never... Arthur, I like you! I LOVE you!", the other practically yelled. Arthur's body froze. He didn't know what to do. He could either push the other way and say he didn't feel the same and told him to go away or confess. Even though he had two viable options, he did neither. He just stared at the white wall as if it was something interesting.

Hearing no objections, Alfred crashed their lips together and closed his eyes. The kiss was uncertain and gentle but after a moment Arthur relaxed and kissed back. Alfred was encouraged to deepen the kiss but not too much to let the kiss to become less tender and affectionate.

After Arthur pull away and both of them breathed rapidly, Alfred heard a weak response; "I love you, too..."

Alfred smiled gently and hugged the other. "I won't ever leave you again, if there will ever be a war, I'll be by your side, Artie~" 'Artie' growled to the nickname but let it slide.

And when the WWII came, they were on the same side. After the disastrous war, 'Britannia' was forever gone.

XxXxXxX

*In WWI, Italy allied with Germany, but later the land of pasta allied with allies against Germany.

** I decided to let him call Iggy that. They're not really that close yet, so he can't call him 'Artie' or 'Arthur'... And what I've heard about stereotype that ppl in the US don't know about other countries... So calling him by England would be pretty understandable for him cuz the whole series are formed by stereotypes... so I do NOT try to offense everyone! Especially when I don't know much of even my country's own capital even though I live so near to it... ¤_¤ I really suck. And the reason why Iggy calls him America is just cuz 'the US' is pretty tricky name...

OH! Look at me! For once I created a) two-shot b) angsty fic c) NO ONE DIED IN MY ANGSTY FIC! IT EVEN HAD HAPPY ENDING! D8 I really surprised myself.


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